This Thing I fear

I am not afraid of death, but I am deeply terrified of the process of death.

Let’s face it, no one likes to approach this topic but I have to, most often in MRI scans and pre-op situations. I always wonder to myself whether I’d wake up from surgery. And if I do get up, would I be the same person if I suffered stroke or brain damage during surgery. What senses would I now lose?

20 years have gone by, and it’s getting tougher and tougher to be an adult or should I say…to be resolute to carry on.

But then, what can I do right? I can’t choose my path but I can either choose to run away or I can choose to walk on even if life takes every. little. bit. of. me. left.

I am probably going to have to face a lot more hardships  in the future. I am battling one right now. Losing my hearing, possibly another gruelling surgery, no more Grandpa to hold my hand.

*sigh*

I have to start building my life again, one brick at a time.

I cannot run away from it.  I have to walk, I just have to.

God Wanted Me Now, He Set Me Free

I love this poem. It is so apt with what I am feeling right now. Makes me think of certain people in my life. I will miss them so very much. God rest their souls.

Title Unknown
Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free
I’m following the path God laid for me,
I took His hand when I heard Him call,
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day
to laugh, to love, to work or play,
tasks left undone must stay that way,
I found that place at the close of the day.

If my parting has left a void,
then fill it with remembered joy,
a friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
ah yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full, I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, He set me free.
Author Unknown

If it Should Be

I love this poem. It is so apt with what I am feeling right now. Makes me think of certain people in my life. I will miss them so very much. God rest their souls.

“If It Should Be”

If it should be I grow frail and weak
And pain prevents my peaceful sleep.
Then you must do what must be done
When this last battle can’t be won.

You will be sad, I understand.
Selfishness might stay your hand.
But on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship take the test.

We’ve had so many happy years
That what’s to come can hold no fears.
You’d not want me to suffer, so
When the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my need they’ll tend.
Only–stay with me until the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me.
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know, in time, you too will see
It is a kindness that you do for me.
Although my tail it’s last has waved,
From pain and suffering I’ve been saved.

Do not grieve it should be you.
Who must decide this thing to do.
We’ve been so close, we two, these years…
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

Author Unknown

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Spring semester ‘09 grades

Expository Writing – A

Biology – B

American Civilization I – undisclosed (I am not revealing this because I feel that the grade is totally unfair and does not reflect the work I put in for this subject. Not going to say anything more beyond that)

Am I happy overall though… a bit. But summer semester has  been hectic as hell so I have been blah about it too.

God help me through Gen. Psych.

xoxok

Someone please SHOOT my lecturer!

Hahahahaha…I am speaking metaphorically by the way..NOT LITERALLY!

I SURVIVED her first round of torment. I scored 85% on her much dreaded quiz. Comparatively, that’s not bad if I do say so myself. I’m just relieved that that part is over.  1 more quiz, two exams — let’s see if I survive those.

I swear A LOT of stuff that came out was NOT part of the textbook. Aphasia, agnosia, corticalization, among others.. I honestly had to rely on logic and past knowledge.

Why does this happen to me? If I get a nice lecturer, her work is  hard core but if  I get a not-so-nice lecturer, her work is a walk through the park…Dang the karma!

Please pray that I get through this course alive..in order for me to pass, I’d need to get 70% or C.

P.S. I don’t mean harm against my lecturer. I like her, I do!

Feeling the pressure

Can I just say that I AB-SO-LUTE-LY despise this summer term… Short term = double the work and a gigantic headache.

I am feeling the pressure from my psychology class. My lecturer is  a very nice lady but her workload is a real torment!  For example, this coming Tuesday, her class has to cram 5 chapters in f our days for her quiz. And it’s not enough to study her notes, you have to study the f-ing textbook! Gahhh, according to a friend, people scrape through her course. I wanna do well for goodness sake, not scrape through.  At this point, I don’t know if I have a choice. I guess Destiny awaits me on Tuesday. Bloody hell, had I known her work ethic, I would have taken her course during the 16-week term.

Inhale…Exhale…. at least I have got two things going for me. 1) I have already been exposed to Psychology, and 2) She’s been very accommodating to my needs.  And with the latter, it makes me wanna excel in her class because I sense that she believes in my capability.

As for chem, so – so la. I would say it’s manageable.

So this is why I haven’t been blogging. It’s cause my head has been buried in the books.

Wish me luck these next few weeks.. Pray that I will do well in my Psych class.. I’ll update on that quiz once I am through with it.