Thank goodness

After winding down these last few days, my tinnitus has subsided and I am hearing things the same way again. I shut myself out of the world for two whole days…not thinking or doing anything. My stress levels are down and my body is starting to recuperate. Thank God.

Gratitude in its truest sense

I’ve finally written my tribute for my grandmother. I  hope it did her justice.  Enjoy.

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“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”
John F. Kennedy

 

It’s been over a month now since Ammama has left this world and I have been trying very hard to come up with the right words. This is not usually the case for me, that is, to be tongue-tied. Apparently, I have inherited this trait from Aunty Dharma!

 

After having reflected on what everyone in the family has said about Ammama, I realized just the perfect words.

 

Ammama is an ordinary woman with extraordinary abilities. The beginning of her life was not a joyous one. She had lost her mother at a tender age of 7 and as a result, her childhood was so abruptly taken away from her.  Despite her grief and her loss, she was resolute in being that thread that held the fabric of family together.

 

Ammama was a consummate wife, mother and grandmother, as she devoted her life to raising her children and grandchildren to stand tall with strong moral principles and values. Above all, Ammama taught her children and grandchildren to devote themselves to their family and to be selfless individuals. She did not preach this through her words, but rather through her daily actions as she took on the task of being a mother and grandmother not only to her six children and twelve grandchildren, but to many others as well. This to me is most remarkable as there are not many people who can give themselves unconditionally and as willingly as my Ammama has done.

 

Which brings me now to the most salient point: my grandmother lived her life selflessly and with purpose, and to truly honor and appreciate her memory, one has to only echo on the words of the great John. F. Kennedy. There would be no better tribute than to live our lives the way she did; with magnanimity, selflessness and a grit for determination.

 

I will surely miss this indomitable spirit as I imagine others do. And I will try my very best to treasure her memory by emulating it.

 

I love you very much Ammama and you will be deeply missed. Rest in peace.

 

“A master chef, a connoisseur of life

Every ingredient meticulously sought

a journey to perfection, a life well-lived

To move forward now is to learn.” – Keisha Petrus

goodbye chemistry

i hate the subject and i never wanna see it again…, icing on the cake, he made the exam tough as hell? i think i must have guessed at least 8 questions out of 60… plus time was running out. Think some ppl didnt even finish it.

 

Verdict on Sham’s exam? easy. Compared to what she’s previously thrown at us..it was very easy.

 

let’s hope for chem..my coursework makes up.

Over with it already

In all truthfulness, I am not that stressed about my exams. Am more stressed about my health right now; I just wanna get those stupid exams over with it so I can deal with my decliningt health.

Can stress worsen my health in the status quo?

End of summer semester

Can’t believe it’s coming to an end but am so relieved. It’s so freaking intense!! Next summer, have learnt my lesson. Never ever take difficult subs.

I am really really anxious about chem. I really despise the subject. Hopefully, my lecturer would be ever so kind as to make the exam easy..haha. *HOPING*

wont be updating till next week cause am bz preparing..wish me luck!

P.S. I f-ing hate this f-ing semester especially f-ing chemistry which I hope I’ll f-ing pass. I don’t know why I took that f-ing subject when I f-ing dropped the Subject in high school half way through for this very reason. I should have f-ing taken another science-based course on UIU’s external program to fulfill the gen. ed. requirement. fucking loon I am. F. F. F. Ha..now I feel better.

Next semester subjects:

College Algebra

Principles of Sociology

Intercultural Communications

Public Speaking

Checklist this weekend

1. Finish Ms. Sham’s Psychology project

2. Study chapters 5 & 10on chemistry

3. Study chapter 14 for Psychology

4. Write my Ammama’s poem

5. Meet my Dad’s family this Sunday for a family meeting concerning my health

6. Sleep

Another Surgery in August

For the past year or so,  my hearing has declined dramatically to the point where it is impossible for me to communicate in noisy environments and when people talk to me, they have to be careful not to mumble and speak slowly.

For the past six months or so, I have been discussing with my doctors as to the best option to save my residual hearing. My doctors in India are of the opinion that CyberKnife, a form of radiosurgery, is the best way to arrest the hearing loss.

My doctors at the House Ear Clinic in Los Angeles are of the opinion that if radiosurgery does work, micro surgery would be that much more difficult to perform due to scarring from radiosurgery. Additionally, the implantation of an auditory brainstem implant or ABI  would be difficult too due to the scarring.

This has been my dilemma of the past six months. I was clueless on what to do. Upon the advice of a friend, I consulted other NF 2 sufferers who have been through similar situations.

After having spoke to them,  I realized two things. 1) HEI’s opinion is just that, an opinion. HEI doctors are not experts of the CyberKnife surgery but rather, their specialty lies in microsurgery. As far as I have found out, there are people who have beensuccessfully treated by the CyberKnife with minimal scarring. 2) No surgery is without risk.

Hence, I have made the decision to pursue treatment in India. Once all the tests have been done, and the doctors over there feel that the CyberKnife is the best route to take, I will have the procedure done there.

I know that God is guiding me in the right direction. I trust my doctors and feel this is the best option for me.

I have decided to leave for India during August as I am free from college-commitments for three weeks. My flight leaves on August 4th.

Please pray that everything goes well. I am positive that my surgery will be a success and that I will be all right. I will hear again.

Info about what CK is:

“The Cyberknife is a new high-technology system that delivers fractionated LINAC radiosurgery (FSR) using a robotic arm controlled by an image-guided computer technology similar to that used by the military in cruise missiles. The Cyberknife was approved by the FDA in July 1999.

Unlike conventional radiotherapy systems where the treatment machine is not able to verify the position of the tumor, the Cyberknife can define and confirm critical information concerning the position of the tumor during the treatment. Through the use of this “smart beam” technology, the accuracy of targeting is improved. According to latest research results (see Chang et al, Neurosurgery, page 140, January 2003), the accuracy of Cyberknife targeting is comparable to that of fixed (attached) frames such as in Gamma Knife treatments, and more accurate than for relocatable frames based on either bite blockes or masks, such as used for other FSR protocols.”

Taken from: http://www.dinagoldin.com/anarchive/cyberknife.htm

I’ll Be There

Really beautiful…at first I couldn’t hear the song so I dug into my memory and remembered how the song sounded like…and then I could hear it perfectly.

If ever I go deaf, I’ll remember Mariah Carey’s voice. She sounds like an angel sent from Heaven.

R.I.P MJ

I must do this for my Grandma

Since my Ammama’s passing, I have been wanting to compose a poem but with other things on my mind, it’s become even more difficult. I’ve got a theme, I’ve got the inspiration, now all I need is a peace of mind. I must do it this weekend, I must. To honor her memory.

Creativity and the Malaysian education system

I have a big Psychology project to do and part of it involves thinking critically about certain questions and answering them effectively. One particular question caught my attention today. It asked:

Can creativity be taught effectively? Are people who are trained to be creative just as creative as those who do it “naturally”? If so, why isn’t creative thinking taught in schools? What is it about the present education system that discourages creative thinking? Might too much creativity be detrimental?

I answered as follows:

First of all, the concept of creativity is difficult to define. For the purpose of answering the questions posed, let us define creativity as the ability to solve problems or express ideas in new or original ways that advance a branch of human endeavor.

Studies have demonstrated that the correlation between identical twins raised apart in creativity scores is lower than that between their I.Q. scores. This suggests that perhaps environmental influences play a role in the development of creativity. Hence, I believe that to some degree, creativity can be effectively taught.

I believe that creativity for the most part, is learned. For example, in order for an artist to paint a portrait, that artist needs to learn different techniques and know how to apply different kinds of colors and hues to create a portrait. Although some people appear to be more gifted in the area of creativity, the gift has to be nurtured in order for it to bloom. Thus, to some extent, I believe that people who are trained to be creative can be just as creative as those who do it “naturally”.

Contrary to the question posed, I believe that the very foundation of a liberal arts education in America is the learning or acquisition of creativity. Although the word “creativity” is rarely mention as an educational goal, universities and even corporations thrive on the use of creativity in the classroom and workplace respectively. Ranging from the disciplines of theater to psychology, creativity is used to expand the ideas and theories previously held. Isn’t that the whole point of critical thinking?

As for the Malaysian education system, I believe that creativity is not fostered because the word “creativity” connotes a negative message. That is, the capacity to question facts is tantamount to being disobedient and hence, unacceptable to Asian culture.

I am also of the opinion that too much creativity is not detrimental. For example, it took creativity to get a man on the moon. Logic of the past, a century or so ago, would have deemed it impossible. Hence, creativity not only expands logic but has the ability to advance technology, science, mathematics, theater and many other areas of a liberal arts education.

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Is it any wonder why Malaysia is not seen as an innovative country? I think it is largely due to the fact that we are sorely lacking in the teaching of creativity. And yes! It can be taught to those who are “creatively-absent” and it can be nurtured for those who are “creatively-gifted”.

For example, a pychology lecturer shares her experience in teaching creativity to American students:

“I think it’s a mistake to think that you can give students fact, fact, fact and have them learn what others have said and then, only later, ask them to be creative and critical. By the time they’re supposedly ready to be creative, they’re not. They need to see how these strands are connected in other people’s work, and they need to engage in those aspects of the work themselves right from the beginning. When I assign essays, I’m not interested in whether students can repeat facts from a book; I know they can. In my Pscyhology of Education course, I have them read theories of child development early in the course and then do observations of a real child. For their mid-term, they have to look at that child through the eyes of two of the theorists, a task that encourages them to think both critically and creatively; they may have to account for some behavior they didn’t read about in the theory. The culminating assignment in the class is to design a school. It’s very creative, but they must support it with evidence from all the research they’ve read.” – Susan Engel, Psychology at Williams University.

For more on whether creativity can be taught, visit William’s University Website

Albert Einstein seems to agree that creativity leaves an indelible mark upon our education, what do you think?

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” — Albert Einstein